Out with the old, in with the new

As if the election campaign anno 2015 wasn't ridiculous enough, the last week or so has seen some exceptionally stupendous/misjudged/downright offensive incidents in the name of politics and shameless self promotion.

First off, everyone's favourite people's champion, plain speaking, no-nonsense defender of all things proper British Nigel Farage took part in the conveniently re-branded 'Opposition leader's TV debate' following Cameron's massively cowardice (and suitably cuntish) decision not to take part. Unable to defend your government's policies by any chance?? Thankfully parts of the audience booed and jeered the twerp when he wheeled out the same old tired message about immigration and the drain on public resources. What happened next was baffling, even by his shit standards, as he proceeded to lambast the audience and the Beeb (quite possibly the greatest institution in the world by the way), exclaiming "There just seems to be a total lack of comprehension on this panel and on indeed this audience, which is a remarkable audience even by the left-wing standards of the BBC. I mean this lot is pretty left-wing, believe me." By doing so he hit on one of my biggest bug bears of any political discussion, particularly but not exclusively on social media. The notion that wanting the best for everyone in society, having compassion for people's circumstances, valuing differences and caring for local communities somehow automatically makes you anti-business, a radical Marxist or the rebirth of Mao Tse-Tung. "Most of the people in the audience had made up their minds, and were dead against me" Farage moaned to the Daily Hate Mail afterwards. Surely, I mean surely, that can't come as a surprise to the little cretin. He can't even go for Sunday lunch with his family without a spot of heckling to boot. The vast majority is dead against you chuck.

Then there were the wholly unwelcome, unnecessary and inflammatory comments by fuckwit rent-a-gob Katie Hopkins. As a strictly non-Sun reader, it had completely passed me by that Hopkins had managed to blag herself a column in the despicable tabloid. In the cold light of day her appointment makes perfect sense, a match made in heaven if there ever was one. Don't want to lower myself to re-print her uber-offensive sentiments, suffice to say she holds anyone who experiences war, genocide or persecution with great contempt. BECAUSE IT'S CLEARLY THEIR OWN FAULT!!! Massive see you next Tuesday. And The Sun are even bigger ones for printing the column in the first place. If you're of sane mind and judgement you should sign the petition calling for her to be removed over on Change.org.

Finally, and most disappointingly, the previously flawless and untouchable Madonna. Fresh from releasing a shit album and barely scraping the top 40 with a shit single, despite tonnes of free publicity courtesy of Giorgio Armani's cape, she has plunged to new depths of desperation by publicly declaring her admiration for Margaret Thatcher on Instagram of all places. An extremely poor decision, even for a publicity parasite. Amidst an election campaign it can be seen as a half hearted backing of Tory politics, intentionally or not. There's been a distinct lack of intention with anything Madonna has done for the last decade so I'm guessing it's the latter. The demise is palpable. Worse still is her justification for her admiration: "If you set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing." The Iron Lady may well have had a steely determination and an inability to compromise but that's not necessarily cause for celebration. The exact same thing can be said for any dictator out there, past or present, with or without a penchant for killing millions of innocent people. Maybe Madge has a fetish for them too. Maybe Dress You Up was about smothering Robert Mugabe in lace gowns and Boy Toy belts or Justify My Love a plea to Pol Pot to shag her on a cross-country train?

Madonna aside, there are promising signs that at least 50% of the country has had enough of this particular coalition and will choose to elect a new government come 7 May. Fingers crossed I say. We'll probably have a different form of coalition, or some other form of minority run government, thats fine by me. I very much doubt that Nicola Sturgeon is the anti-christ and anything that gets Cameron and Osborne out of Downing Street is good with me. Minority rules anyway. And I'm not exactly a huge fan of Red Ed either but at least he seems to act with a degree of dignity, as opposed to the current PM who shamelessly used his late disabled son as a political tool. Besides, we're not America, we're not voting for an individual prime minister, we're voting for government policies preceded over by a a large number of MPs, propped up by an even larger army of civil servants. So even if Miliband doesn't appear to be PM material, his party represents a fairer take on society, one that isn't so blatantly favouring the toffs and disgustingly rich. Out with the old, in with the new.

New is good, new is exciting, new is not the same as before, new gives us the kick up the arse we sometimes need, new means joy and happiness. I love new. So much so that I've spent a considerable amount of time with new over recent weeks. My bank account still bleeds. Anyone offended by gluttony may want to stop reading now.

My kind friends clobbed together for an Asos voucher for my birthday and I've finally got round to spending it. Hooray! All 5 items were in the sale of course but with the voucher value taken off, I only had to pay 7 quid of my own money. What I got for it was a pair of blue brogues by Red Tape (whoever they are), a grey polo with mustard and navy trimmings by Bellfield (whoever they are), a black jumper with a shoulder zip by Asos, a white, black and blue checked shirt by Asos and a red shirt by French Connection. Now that's what I call value for money.


I came across this little number from Zara on eBay, emphasis on little, I can only just squeeze in to it. Used but not particularly noticeably so and for £8 I'd happily wear someone else's rejects, albeit with a very thin layer of clothing underneath.

Deep purple polo from River Island, £5 in the sale.


Black stretch skinny jeans from Topman. I say black, they're not quite black black, and in a funny material, definitely not denim as we know it. Nevertheless they were £12 down from £40, making it a whopping 70% off. Maybe the not denim put others off. Their loss entirely.

Jazzy socks from Topman, a pound each in the sale. I just can't get enough.

18 polka dot buttons each in white/red and navy/white, 20p each from Liberty. The sales assistant looked at me with polite surprise when I declared my intention to buy 36 buttons from her, enquiring as to what my plans were for such an unusual amount of buttons. I replied that I'm planning on changing the plain, standard buttons on a few shirts to these jolly ones. She approved. And here's the first batch:

Black polo from H&M for £7.99 and white polo from River Island for £5. They've spruced up quite nicely I reckon. They don't call me Gok for nothing (or ask to have their picture taken with me during training courses to show their family they've been trained by Gok).

I've not just been spending money on clothing recently though, all things new is good. Was rather randomly given a king size duvet from John Lewis absolutely free, unfortunately such things don't happen often enough, so went out and bought new bedding for it. I'd amassed a fair amount of Tesco Clubcard vouchers so bought this duvet set for £11 in the sale.

Also bought a new pair of Philips earphones for running at £17.99.

I've got really awkward ears. Not a scientifically proven fact but for some reason most earphones pop out during movement. These ones boldly declared that they're guaranteed not to fall out. Bull shit. The fuckers don't last 3 steps before they're dangling in my outer ear. Thank god I paid for them with Clubcard vouchers.

Whilst on the running tip, I felt the need to buy some weighing scales to check progress. I'm not particularly running to lose weight but figured with the amount of exercise I do I ought to shed some pounds. A significant portion of my wardrobe, as well as my mirror, seemed to disagree though so to settle the score I acquired the scales for £12.99 from Argos. Unfortunately the wardrobe and mirror were right, I've not lost any weight at all since starting running well over a year ago. Quite the opposite. Maybe eating loads of cake, and biscuits, and crisps, and sweets, does have an impact after all. Duh!

Spurred on by my weight confirmation I went out and bought some weights the other day. Mainly to tone up my moobs before having to resort to wearing man bras. Argos own weights for £17.99. I've always hated going to the gym so chances are it'll be a short-lived fad but with a bit of grit and determination I may succeed in having a body like Arnie. Nowt to do about the Denzil face though.

Finally, and there is an end to the spending madness, a couple of things for my upcoming holiday to South Korea. It's gonna be great. I've  already planned which movies I'm gonna watch on the flight across: The Imitation Game and Leviathan between Manchester and Doha and Nightcrawler and Winter Sleep for the Doha-Seoul leg. I've been taking YouTube lessons in basic Korean so I can now say 'annyong haseyo' (hello), 'annyong-hi geseyo' (goodbye) and 'gamsahamnida' (thank you). At least I can say it in my head. My tongue and vocal chords may not follow. I've booked a free guided tour through Meteor Youth Club, a fantastic service provided by student volunteers. They get to practice English and show their city in all its glory, I get to go round venues and areas of choice in the company of someone who knows their way round. It's a total win win. I was able to choose the type of tour I'd like - culture, history, attractions, sport etc. I naturally chose shopping and food. Other plans include going to a 4DX cinema, unfortunately to see the new Avengers movie, going to the world's largest IMAX screen, hopefully not to see the new Avengers movie again, strolling along the old fortress walls, going for runs along the Han river, eating my body weight in Korean street food at Gwangjang food market and having a posh lunch at Jungsik.

Just in case I get bored I bought a couple of books from the Amazon marketplace, both used at £2.80 each:

"The Two Hotel Francoforts" by David Leavitt. I've read quite a few of his books, "Martin Bauman", "The Page Turner" and "The Lost Language of Cranes" are all awesome, but his recent output hasn't caught my attention. I figured I'd give this one a whirl though. "Call Me By Your Name" by Andre Aciman featured on a couple of book lists I came across and the premise sounds right up my street. The copy I bought is on a permanent loan from Newark library which I'm not really happy about. Might have to send it back to them when I'm done. Bet they'll refuse to accept it though.

I also had to buy a new suitcase as I currently don't own one. The old one went with my ex when we parted ways and rather aptly it's now ended up on the scrap. I'm loathed to spend money on things I have limited use for so £22.99 from Argos was a necessity rather than choice.

So congratulations if you made it to the end. And don't forget to vote on May 7. Although if you're siding with the Tory/UKIP axis of hell, please do forget about voting altogether, and encourage other like minded people to do the same. I know it's a democracy and everything but really just piss off. New is good, new is great.

In running there is truth

Went out for the year's first run last Sunday, the first for about a month. The multiple Christmas smargasbords and other festive excesses have unsurprisingly left a fatty legacy. That ghastly McKeith woman was right about one thing: you are what you eat. Exercising better/more starts here. In my unbridled enthusiasm and optimism I opted to leave the Swedemount's at home, figuring that I'll be too hot running 21k in lycra. Big mistake, it was bloody freezing. Had I looked outside I would've possibly registered that the ground was covered with frost, as it was I was too busy scrambling around for suitable mid-run nutrition, unfortunately options were decidedly limited.

Armed with a handful of Skittles and seriously under-dressed for arctic conditions I set off. Tiswas a struggle to get round but get round I did despite crucial body parts sending me distress signals. Since I started running properly in December 2013 I've grown to think of it as a somewhat therapeutic undertaking. Whereas at first the only thing on my mind as I meandered round 6 or so miles in 60+ minutes was how much I hated running, I now see it as a welcome opportunity for pondering life's important questions. Did I turn the heating off? Can I afford a new pair of trainers? How much money can I spend on a pair of jeans if I buy a cheap pair of trainers? What shall I have for tea? If I pay a grand off my student loan every year, when will I have finished paying it off? What was the name of that god awful horror film that Shelly from Twin Peaks was in? (Stephen King's Sleepwalkers). All the important questions, totally way existential.

Somewhere between what used to be the Corner Pin but is now some random office and the Shell garage on Carlisle Street East, after I'd rejected both trainer and jean ambition but before the Twin Peaks conundrum, I decided that I really must buy that new camera I'd been mulling over and ideally straight away. Why wait anyway? Ever since I lost my keys somewhere along the route of a 21k run I always bring my bank card with me on a long run, just in case, so I adjusted my running route slightly so that it finished more or less outside Argos on Angel Street. A short moment of catching my breath followed by grappling with the new catalogue-free modus operandi and I'm sat on the tram with a new gadget and aching bones. Cue tram conductor dishing out tried and tested platitudes. “You didn't check the weather forecast this morning then?”. You're killing me honestly.

Forking out £129 and I'm now the owner of a Canon Powershot SX510HS, light weight and compact it is and all.

I've already got a previous incarnation of a Canon Powershot but like Hugh Hefner I don't really see the point in putting up with things getting old and tired when there are new models available. Plus this one has built in WiFi and a much larger zoom. Sometimes size matters. I've not had much opportunity to play around with it, the camera that is, but it takes a pretty clear screenshot of the telly and a really detailed extreme close up of the remote so it all bodes well.

Hugh Hefner aside, the main reason for buying a new camera is because I've recently booked a flight to Seoul in late April to visit South Korea in full spring blossom and I'm planning on taking a whole heap of pictures of weird and wonderful things. Aided by the Cloud and the seemingly mind blowing connectivity of South Korea I'll be able to share pictures as I go along. Everyone jumps for joy. Apart from my savings account which is now officially an endangered species.

I've been to South Korea 3 times previously. First time at birth and up til 8 months of age. Can't really remember much. Second time was in 1987 when my parents took me, my sister, brother and nan on a 2 week organised group travel along with other Swedish families who'd adopted children from South Korea in the 70s. Remember a bit more from then, got to visit loads of urban and rural sights, massive mountain set Buddha statues and such things, ate bulgogi, raw garlic and ginseng chicken, met my foster mother, stepped onto North Korean soil, bought True Blue on tape and insisted on wearing a Donald and Daisy Duck (most likely a girl's) t-shirt. Olympic fever was widespread. The third time was in 2002 for the World Cup, which was absolutely amazing, despite Sweden losing to Senegal in the last 16 to a golden goal. What a rubbish invention that was. I've still got my counterfeit Freddie Ljungberg top. One of the highlights was watching a South Korea game at Seoul's version of Times Square on the screens normally reserved for advertising, sat in the middle of a blocked off, 14 lane wide crossroads, amongst hundreds of thousands of enthusiastic, but ever so polite, Koreans.

I can't wait. I was deliberating between South Korea and Japan but ultimately chose South Korea because the flights were cheaper and the cost of things is a lot less. Frugal as I wanna be. It'll be really interesting to experience the place as a weary and cynical 37 year old as opposed to a naïvely excitable youth. A week in Seoul and a few days in the ancient capital of Gyengju, "the museum without walls", is on the intended itinerary. Plus eating lots and lots and lots of Korean food. Word: Kimchi. And I'll be damned if I get Gok-ed there. Word has it the shopping is first class and dirt cheap so I may throw caution to the wind and get both trainers and jeans. Live a little!