And now for something completely different

The Labour party members, and £3 leadership voters and right wing infiltrators, have spoken and a resounding 59% backed Jeremy Corbyn. Pretty much universally derided by the mainstream media, prominent Labour figures and war criminals alike, Corbyn's victory leaves the party at a hugely important crossroads. Corbyn's preferred path will undoubtedly be to the left, a vast proportion of Labour MPs, aka closet Tories, want to turn right. As if on cue, a handful of shadow cabinet ministers resigned instantaneously, quoting fundamental political differences. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but was Labour not always meant to be a socialist party, representing the rights of workers and the general public whose social mobility is deliberately severely restricted? So maybe those who would rather resign than work alongside an elected socialist leader need to do a spot of self reflection. Which party did you think you signed up to in the first place? And whilst much attention was given to the possibility of inappropriate people signing up to vote in the leadership contest, perhaps the party need to vet their own politicians a bit more closely. Are you socialist? Yes. Oh good, welcome sir/madam. What about you, are you socialist? No. Well fuck off then.

Corbyn is obviously not the messiah (more likely a very naughty boy who fraternises with the IRA), he faces a massive uphill battle to unite the fundamentally different political ideologies of Labour MPs and members, he may lack the style and charisma of the typical party leader, and ultimately he may turn Labour into the new Monster Raving Loony party. What he can do, and surely will do, is to offer a completely different vision of the UK in the 2010s, one built on solidarity, unity, fairness and equality. Opinions aren't going to change overnight but I firmly believe that in the long term people can be convinced to expand the number they look out for from 1 to at least 2 or 3.

Throughout the campaign, the most common complaint people had with Corbyn was that he will make Labour unelectable. Unless anyone failed to notice, they already have been for the past two elections, failing to provide a compelling argument for old-New and new-New Labour as a suitable alternative to the grim Tory reapers. I for one prefer the opposition to properly oppose the existing government by proposing something completely different, not just right wing propaganda with a conscience. And Corbyn has shown already that Labour under his leadership will be an entirely different beast. Judging by the surge in Labour memberships since Saturday, his plain talking, no-nonsense, un-Westminster like approach has struck a chord beyond the hardcore Labour faithful. Interesting times ahead indeed. And with a bonafide Arsenal fan at the helm, what can possibly go wrong??

Speaking of something completely different, life in London is sure as hell a world away from my previous habitat in God's Own Country. As anticipated the temptation to part with money has proven rather overwhelming. I've now added Zara to the list of establishments that I struggle to walk past without having a sneaky peak in. So spontaneous purchase #1:

£19.99 parted with on a Sunday afternoon stroll round Covent Garden. And spontaneous purchase #2:

£30 donated to Topman's coffers on a Saturday afternoon stroll round Hyde Park. Rather worryingly both items were purchased at full price, zero discount, zilch reductions. Best get back to my thrifty ways asap or a London shaped irreparable hole will appear in my bank account. Hopefully though the abandonment of spending principles is temporary, part of the migration process. Novelty factor and all that. Unlike Corbyn who's introduction to life at the top is likely to be bumpy as, I've otherwise found the transition fairly easy to deal with thus far. Apart from the night buses. My nemesis they are. For no fault of my own, honestly. I've had back to back disastrous Saturday night bus experiences, involving falling asleep, late night pub pit stops, getting generally lost, a whole lotta walking, and costly taxi rides. Luckily I'm in Sheffield this coming Saturday so no risk of a back to back to back night bus palaver. Transport for London breathes a sigh of relief.

What's wrong with this picture?

Answer: 332 patches of blue and purple.

A few days have passed since the 'historic' election win for the Conservatives and it still conjures up exasperated feelings just looking at said picture of wrong. The lamentable outcome necessitates much needed soul searching for Labour and Lib Dems as the Cons secured enough votes to win an outright majority of seats in parliament. This despite having overseen a government that introduced a feast of austerity measures that ripped up public services as we know them and disproportionally affected the lower reaches of the socioeconomic ladder. Maybe we're a nation of gluttonous masochists. Marquis de Sade would've had a field day.

There are all manners of cries of "the majority of people didn't vote Conservative" doing the rounds on social media. Whilst factually correct, a large chunk of the 67% who didn't vote blue chose not to exercise their democratic voice at all and had more of them done so a sizeable portion would've banked on Cameron anyway. Besides, the electoral system isn't built on proportional representation so that particular sentiment, whilst totally understandable, is void. 

The stark reality is that around 15 million people, or more or less half of all participating voters, opted to vote for a right wing party. Getting to grips with the reasons why this happened and producing an effective strategy for convincing a few million of those that there's a credible alternative is the key for the opposition parties over the next 5 years. Failure to do so condemns us all to years of life in Hades and I for one do not find pain and suffering pleasurable. 

As much as I hate to admit, the Cons, backed by the vitriolic right wing press, got their election campaign spot on. It's no mean feat to successfully throw their coalition partner under a bus so massive that it would have fit all dirty rotten scoundrels (benefits claimants and/or immigrants) currently having the cheek to reside in the UK and come out smelling of roses. Equally, to manage to deploy a rhetoric that has people believing that Scotland is the enemy, a Labour government will cause a global economic crisis and wealth creation is somehow achievable for all, hats off. I feel sorry for the partly self inflicted demise of the Lib Dems as all the indications of life under a majority Con government highlight the neutralising impact they had on the coalition. Cue EU referendum, snoopers charter and scrapping the 'madness' that is the Human Rights Act.

More than ever it seems the country is polarised ideologically. Half of Scotland clearly want out of the Union. People in major cities believe in a fairer society. People everywhere else have a fetish for traditional British values. People in major cities want to protect public services. People everywhere else wanks to border control.

Whether we support it or oppose it, we're stuck with a Government that promotes greed, selfishness and ruthlessness. History shows us that this has been the case more often than not over the last century so in a way the election result should come as no surprise. Cameron pledged to make Britain great again. It's our responsibility to show the bell end cretin that it's us, the diverse, multicultural, complex, joyous, fucked up population that makes Britain great. I've done my bit by rejecting capitalism since the election, despite the pull of 60% off skinny jeans at Asos. Irreverence light. It's a struggle but someone's gotta do it. For queen and country!

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