World leader pretend

About this time 24 years ago I picked up a copy of R.E.M.'s Out Of Time from a record store in Arvika, Sweden. I was there as part of SK Sifhälla's P77 football team playing in a tournament (which we won). I'd come across the Losing My Religion video on MTV a few months earlier and was simply blown away. Whatta tune, whatta man, whatta bonkers video. Buying the album was a no brainer, and boy did I reap the rewards. By the time Automatic For The People was released the following year I was hooked. I mopped up their entire back catalogue, bar Chronic Town, couldn't quite get my monthly parental allowance to stretch that far. I searched high and low for rarities, video recordings, bootlegs, posters, whatever I could get my hands on. No magazine rack was safe, literally. My sixth form library quite generously subscribed to NME, and most editions had a nasty habit of finding a convenient hiding place in my bag.

I saw them live for the first time during the Monster tour, at Stockholm's Maritime Museum, with The Bends-era Radiohead providing support. Possibly the best live gig double whammy ever. Thom Yorke's vocal causing time to stand still during Street Spirit, Michael Stipe going nuts in It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine). Seriously unreal. In total I went to 10 R.E.M. concerts in 7 different countries, and only the very last one, at Berlin's Waldbuhne, was a bit of a dud. Not even Stipe could get enthused by Around The Sun.

R.E.M. have provided an omnipresent soundtrack to the vast majority of my life, from compiling mix tapes for my portable cassette player at GCSE to streaming tunes through Swift-less Spotify as a responsible adult. As a result, listing an R.E.M. top 10 is a tricky proposition but I'd say these are the ones I've played the most:

Wolves, Lower
Perfect Circle
So. Central Rain
Pretty Persuasion
Feeling Gravitys Pull
Begin The Begin
Losing My Religion
Country Feedback
Drive
Bang And Blame

My tastes have fluctuated since my first introduction to music in the form of Wham's Make It Big, courtesy of my sister. Had a proper grunge phase in the early 90s, long hair, flannel shirts, the lot. A few things remain constant though - Swedish pop, Kent, Madonna and R.E.M.

And Michael Stipe is pretty much god. As a precocious teen I was proper obsessed. Couldn't get enough of the man. Even tried to dress like him. Inspired by the What's The Frequency Kenneth? video I acquired a pair of black boots and baggy black jeans in Stockholm, and ordered an original red star t shirt from the US of A. Coolness personified, world leader pretend.

I've since discarded the red star t shirt, unceremoniously dumped on the scrap heap as I briefly embraced 'club wear' no doubt. So as a way of coercing myself to pick up the screen printing gear, I decided to recreate the iconic t shirt, but in black to stay true to the Kenneth video.

I've not done any screen printing for years, which shows. At least close up. Anticipating the potential for a printing disaster, I went all out and spent £2.50 on the t shirt from Primark. Good move. Believing in your ability is one thing, preparing for eventualities is always sensible. Or what say thee Kenneth?

Better the devil you know

The other day saw the conclusion of a brief spell of uncertainty that had preoccupied my mind to a level not experienced for some time. The finer details will be left untold, suffice to say the outcome wasn't to my benefit. Despite the issue itself being of minor consequence, for a short while the effect felt palpable - mood, outlook and thought processes all took a knock, rendering me somewhat apathetic before grappling control of my senses and, more importantly, regaining a realistic perspective.

Afterwards it prompted me to reflect on how minor incidents, as well as major events, can affect us in such a way that we end up taking it personally. Even the kindest or most thoughtful words of consolation fail to halt the process. What we're left with is a set of largely unhelpful and angst ridden questions: What's wrong with me? Why me? When will I learn? What's the point? What can I eat next?

I'm firmly in the category of people for whom, regardless of what we've achieved in life, confidence remains finely poised. For the most part I'm of jolly good spirits but a gentle jolt can tip the curve downwards, even when the trajectory has been steadily rising. One would think that life experiences and increasing maturity automatically generate resilience and pragmatism but the human mind has its own way of playing tricks.

To me it's largely because of that complete pain in the arse known as vulnerability. Like the lymphatic system it's lurking under the surface, ready to come to the fore as soon as there's the slightest crack in the veneer of our usual public persona. And like the lymphatic fluid, it appears out of nowhere, without warning but right on cue, and takes a while to disappear again. When vulnerability is at its peak the words of comfort and encouragement that others' feel compelled and willing to offer have really very limited impact, apart from demonstrating that people care. It's a storm that one has to ride.

As someone who's risk averse in many respects, I prefer to keep my vulnerable lymphatics in check through considered avoidance. Venturing beyond familiar paths is necessary for progress but in this instance I agree with Kylie, or alternatively Sonia: Better the devil you know. I much prefer myself when I'm freed from existential angst. I function a great deal better. Nothing ventured, nothing gained goes the counter argument. But venturing and coming back empty handed isn't all that great either, it makes you feel a right fool.

Sometimes it's better the devil you know when it comes to sartorial matters too. Red checked shirts are already a feature of my wardrobe but when something works you might as well do it to death. This one came with a 20% discount on the sale price courtesy of Asos, £8 quid for a shirt of decent quality. Thumbs enthusiastically up. The fabric is unexpectedly thick so it might have to wait for its premiere til later in the year.



The same delivery also saw the arrival of these plimsolls by Rock & Revival. With the discount they came to £10.40. Having retired a pair of white high-topped plimsolls recently, there was an opening for a replacement which was duly filled.



So regardless the devil, I'll stick with the one I know than get carried away with the one I don't. In the main. At times I might dip my toe in the unknown, or take a full on plunge, because every now and then you venture and come up trumps.