The land that's supposedly full of morning calm

Exhilarating and exhausting. They're the first two words that spring to mind when trying to summarise my first 4.25 days in Seoul. Bewildering and beguiling follows, as does alluring and alienating. Despite this being my third visit as a non-toddler, it's the first one in which I've been able to put things into proper context. In 1987 I was too young, everything was a big, bold adventure, and in 2002 we were too preoccupied with the World Cup, as was the rest of the country. This time, with no organised group travel or mega event to distract, and with an older but hardly wiser head on my shoulders, I've been able to take stuff in, filter it through a reasonably well travelled adult's consciousness, and travelling on my lonesome had ample time to reflect. The result is a maelstrom of impressions and emotions, not unlike the place itself.

Here's a picture to set the scene:

It's representative in two ways: coffee and couples. Both are ubiquitous.

Things didn't get off to the best of starts. In the context of my travel mishaps it doesn't quite reach top 5 but nevertheless a bloody nuisance. Flying Qatar Airways (shameless product placement in the hope of a free upgrade!) I had a connection in Doha, in the brand new, state of the art, Hamad International airport. They have iMacs dotted round for public abuse! Turns out the connecting plane had a 'technical issue' which resulted in a 4 hour plus delay. Not at all welcome when it's in the middle of the night but needs must. Upon landing at Incheon airport I couldn't use my bank cards in their cash machines and the currency exchange people only accepted hard cash, fuckers.

Blind panic and visions of having to camp out at the airport ensued. Luckily one of the machines finally accepted my card, no Tom Hanks manoeuvre needed. Upon arriving at Seoul train station the taxi driver struggled to work out the address I was going to and promptly dropped me off in the wrong place, fortunately not too far away from the intended destination. Next issue, there appears to be no building numbers marked up in Korea so finding the right place even when on the right street is a bit of a struggle. Anyway, got there in the end. Well behind schedule and a tad frazzled.

I've crammed loads in to my days already and won't bore you with the minute details, even if you ask me to. Here are some random thoughts though.

It's bloody hot. In my opinion. The locals seem to disagree though as the majority are breezingly strutting round wearing double layers and long trousers/denim. I on the other hand am wearing t shirt and shorts and still sweat like a pig. The wet look is really not all that.

Koreans are slim, even elderly people. I've not seen a single obese person, at most people have a bit of middle age spread. There's obviously something about the oriental diet - low dairy, high protein. Or maybe there are other lifestyle factors, either way it bloody works. People in general look rather healthy, despite seemingly consuming lots and lots of food, and fags and booze. I demand to know their secret.

Koreans are everywhere. The city is so, so busy at any given time, it makes you wonder if we need to reconsider their 'land of the morning calm' moniker. Hardly surprising perhaps, the metropolitan area of Seoul has a staggering population of 25 million. That's some serious headcount in a relatively limited space. Handy tip for avoiding the huge crowds: venture into a museum. I went to the suitably nationalistic National Museum of Contemporary Korean History today and it was practically empty. On that note, I would LOVE to compare and contrast with North Korea's take on contemporary history. It may well be slightly different.

Everything is clean. Public spaces like main shopping streets, subway stations, train stations, parks, even the pavements, are spotless in the main. It's initially a bit strange, particularly if you're from litter happy Britain. You quickly realise though that it's not just about employing a veritable army of cleaners, there's a palpable sense of social responsibility evident in everyday life. Puts the UK to shame.

Everything is awesome. The general mood seems buoyant and carefree, although that's probably not everyone's reality. There's a relentlessly positive and enthusiastic vibe coming through. a large part of Korean life seems to be lived outside of the home, typically over a bite to eat. Good on them.

Everything is for sale. There are shops literally everywhere, mostly health and beauty ones, and where it's not a shop it's an eatery of some description. It makes for quite a disorientating experience, every street looks similar, neon clad, crowded, noisy, food odour in the air. Consumerism is very much in full force too, people seemingly love to splash the cash. It's rare to see an empty shop be it a hardware store or a jewellers. A tad annoyingly the US presence, there's still a massive army base in central Seoul, has left a permanent mark. You can't turn a corner without bumping in to a major US brand, particularly the food outlet ones. Maybe Koreans won't stay slim for much longer.

Koreans love a good toilet. There's a toilet in every subway station and in all public spaces, which gets the thumbs up from me. When you gotta go you've just gotta go, there's nothing worse than scrambling round looking for a toilet. In Seoul that's not an issue. And of course they're all spotless.

Koreans are rather well dressed. There's a slightly uniform approach to fashion amongst young folks mind. This means that there's a certain look about both men and women with limited variation. It's easy to see why, most shops sell similar looking clothes. I had the pleasure of spending an afternoon in the Hongdae area, predominantly a student area, in the company of a local guide, Hui ji. She volunteers with Meteor Volunteer Youth Club, an organisation which offers visitors free guided tours tailored to individual preferences. It's mutually beneficial, you get a free guide, they get to practice English. If you're planning a visit I'd definitely recommend them. You can choose themes like culture, history, sights. I naturally picked shopping and Hongdae, and nearby Sinchon, are good places for clothes shopping.

If anyone's thinking to visit Seoul, or just want to find out a bit more about the city from sources other than official literature, check out the Seoulistic blog. It's excellent. And the guy who runs it featured in The Hairy Bikers' Asian Adventure so he's legit. Anyway, came across this little number in one of the shops in Hongdae:

6 or so quid in total, cheap! Strangely hardly anything else is, apart from the food. Prices have definitely gone up since we were last there. Speaking of which, the food is out of this world, IBS upsettingly spicy but oh so tasty. And I'm hooked on the little side dishes. The only slight drawback with solo travelling is in the food department. Korean BBQ restaurants are everywhere but they require at least two of you to eat. Arse! Can't have everything 'suppose. Tofu stew for one it is.

Out with the old, in with the new

As if the election campaign anno 2015 wasn't ridiculous enough, the last week or so has seen some exceptionally stupendous/misjudged/downright offensive incidents in the name of politics and shameless self promotion.

First off, everyone's favourite people's champion, plain speaking, no-nonsense defender of all things proper British Nigel Farage took part in the conveniently re-branded 'Opposition leader's TV debate' following Cameron's massively cowardice (and suitably cuntish) decision not to take part. Unable to defend your government's policies by any chance?? Thankfully parts of the audience booed and jeered the twerp when he wheeled out the same old tired message about immigration and the drain on public resources. What happened next was baffling, even by his shit standards, as he proceeded to lambast the audience and the Beeb (quite possibly the greatest institution in the world by the way), exclaiming "There just seems to be a total lack of comprehension on this panel and on indeed this audience, which is a remarkable audience even by the left-wing standards of the BBC. I mean this lot is pretty left-wing, believe me." By doing so he hit on one of my biggest bug bears of any political discussion, particularly but not exclusively on social media. The notion that wanting the best for everyone in society, having compassion for people's circumstances, valuing differences and caring for local communities somehow automatically makes you anti-business, a radical Marxist or the rebirth of Mao Tse-Tung. "Most of the people in the audience had made up their minds, and were dead against me" Farage moaned to the Daily Hate Mail afterwards. Surely, I mean surely, that can't come as a surprise to the little cretin. He can't even go for Sunday lunch with his family without a spot of heckling to boot. The vast majority is dead against you chuck.

Then there were the wholly unwelcome, unnecessary and inflammatory comments by fuckwit rent-a-gob Katie Hopkins. As a strictly non-Sun reader, it had completely passed me by that Hopkins had managed to blag herself a column in the despicable tabloid. In the cold light of day her appointment makes perfect sense, a match made in heaven if there ever was one. Don't want to lower myself to re-print her uber-offensive sentiments, suffice to say she holds anyone who experiences war, genocide or persecution with great contempt. BECAUSE IT'S CLEARLY THEIR OWN FAULT!!! Massive see you next Tuesday. And The Sun are even bigger ones for printing the column in the first place. If you're of sane mind and judgement you should sign the petition calling for her to be removed over on Change.org.

Finally, and most disappointingly, the previously flawless and untouchable Madonna. Fresh from releasing a shit album and barely scraping the top 40 with a shit single, despite tonnes of free publicity courtesy of Giorgio Armani's cape, she has plunged to new depths of desperation by publicly declaring her admiration for Margaret Thatcher on Instagram of all places. An extremely poor decision, even for a publicity parasite. Amidst an election campaign it can be seen as a half hearted backing of Tory politics, intentionally or not. There's been a distinct lack of intention with anything Madonna has done for the last decade so I'm guessing it's the latter. The demise is palpable. Worse still is her justification for her admiration: "If you set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing." The Iron Lady may well have had a steely determination and an inability to compromise but that's not necessarily cause for celebration. The exact same thing can be said for any dictator out there, past or present, with or without a penchant for killing millions of innocent people. Maybe Madge has a fetish for them too. Maybe Dress You Up was about smothering Robert Mugabe in lace gowns and Boy Toy belts or Justify My Love a plea to Pol Pot to shag her on a cross-country train?

Madonna aside, there are promising signs that at least 50% of the country has had enough of this particular coalition and will choose to elect a new government come 7 May. Fingers crossed I say. We'll probably have a different form of coalition, or some other form of minority run government, thats fine by me. I very much doubt that Nicola Sturgeon is the anti-christ and anything that gets Cameron and Osborne out of Downing Street is good with me. Minority rules anyway. And I'm not exactly a huge fan of Red Ed either but at least he seems to act with a degree of dignity, as opposed to the current PM who shamelessly used his late disabled son as a political tool. Besides, we're not America, we're not voting for an individual prime minister, we're voting for government policies preceded over by a a large number of MPs, propped up by an even larger army of civil servants. So even if Miliband doesn't appear to be PM material, his party represents a fairer take on society, one that isn't so blatantly favouring the toffs and disgustingly rich. Out with the old, in with the new.

New is good, new is exciting, new is not the same as before, new gives us the kick up the arse we sometimes need, new means joy and happiness. I love new. So much so that I've spent a considerable amount of time with new over recent weeks. My bank account still bleeds. Anyone offended by gluttony may want to stop reading now.

My kind friends clobbed together for an Asos voucher for my birthday and I've finally got round to spending it. Hooray! All 5 items were in the sale of course but with the voucher value taken off, I only had to pay 7 quid of my own money. What I got for it was a pair of blue brogues by Red Tape (whoever they are), a grey polo with mustard and navy trimmings by Bellfield (whoever they are), a black jumper with a shoulder zip by Asos, a white, black and blue checked shirt by Asos and a red shirt by French Connection. Now that's what I call value for money.


I came across this little number from Zara on eBay, emphasis on little, I can only just squeeze in to it. Used but not particularly noticeably so and for £8 I'd happily wear someone else's rejects, albeit with a very thin layer of clothing underneath.

Deep purple polo from River Island, £5 in the sale.


Black stretch skinny jeans from Topman. I say black, they're not quite black black, and in a funny material, definitely not denim as we know it. Nevertheless they were £12 down from £40, making it a whopping 70% off. Maybe the not denim put others off. Their loss entirely.

Jazzy socks from Topman, a pound each in the sale. I just can't get enough.

18 polka dot buttons each in white/red and navy/white, 20p each from Liberty. The sales assistant looked at me with polite surprise when I declared my intention to buy 36 buttons from her, enquiring as to what my plans were for such an unusual amount of buttons. I replied that I'm planning on changing the plain, standard buttons on a few shirts to these jolly ones. She approved. And here's the first batch:

Black polo from H&M for £7.99 and white polo from River Island for £5. They've spruced up quite nicely I reckon. They don't call me Gok for nothing (or ask to have their picture taken with me during training courses to show their family they've been trained by Gok).

I've not just been spending money on clothing recently though, all things new is good. Was rather randomly given a king size duvet from John Lewis absolutely free, unfortunately such things don't happen often enough, so went out and bought new bedding for it. I'd amassed a fair amount of Tesco Clubcard vouchers so bought this duvet set for £11 in the sale.

Also bought a new pair of Philips earphones for running at £17.99.

I've got really awkward ears. Not a scientifically proven fact but for some reason most earphones pop out during movement. These ones boldly declared that they're guaranteed not to fall out. Bull shit. The fuckers don't last 3 steps before they're dangling in my outer ear. Thank god I paid for them with Clubcard vouchers.

Whilst on the running tip, I felt the need to buy some weighing scales to check progress. I'm not particularly running to lose weight but figured with the amount of exercise I do I ought to shed some pounds. A significant portion of my wardrobe, as well as my mirror, seemed to disagree though so to settle the score I acquired the scales for £12.99 from Argos. Unfortunately the wardrobe and mirror were right, I've not lost any weight at all since starting running well over a year ago. Quite the opposite. Maybe eating loads of cake, and biscuits, and crisps, and sweets, does have an impact after all. Duh!

Spurred on by my weight confirmation I went out and bought some weights the other day. Mainly to tone up my moobs before having to resort to wearing man bras. Argos own weights for £17.99. I've always hated going to the gym so chances are it'll be a short-lived fad but with a bit of grit and determination I may succeed in having a body like Arnie. Nowt to do about the Denzil face though.

Finally, and there is an end to the spending madness, a couple of things for my upcoming holiday to South Korea. It's gonna be great. I've  already planned which movies I'm gonna watch on the flight across: The Imitation Game and Leviathan between Manchester and Doha and Nightcrawler and Winter Sleep for the Doha-Seoul leg. I've been taking YouTube lessons in basic Korean so I can now say 'annyong haseyo' (hello), 'annyong-hi geseyo' (goodbye) and 'gamsahamnida' (thank you). At least I can say it in my head. My tongue and vocal chords may not follow. I've booked a free guided tour through Meteor Youth Club, a fantastic service provided by student volunteers. They get to practice English and show their city in all its glory, I get to go round venues and areas of choice in the company of someone who knows their way round. It's a total win win. I was able to choose the type of tour I'd like - culture, history, attractions, sport etc. I naturally chose shopping and food. Other plans include going to a 4DX cinema, unfortunately to see the new Avengers movie, going to the world's largest IMAX screen, hopefully not to see the new Avengers movie again, strolling along the old fortress walls, going for runs along the Han river, eating my body weight in Korean street food at Gwangjang food market and having a posh lunch at Jungsik.

Just in case I get bored I bought a couple of books from the Amazon marketplace, both used at £2.80 each:

"The Two Hotel Francoforts" by David Leavitt. I've read quite a few of his books, "Martin Bauman", "The Page Turner" and "The Lost Language of Cranes" are all awesome, but his recent output hasn't caught my attention. I figured I'd give this one a whirl though. "Call Me By Your Name" by Andre Aciman featured on a couple of book lists I came across and the premise sounds right up my street. The copy I bought is on a permanent loan from Newark library which I'm not really happy about. Might have to send it back to them when I'm done. Bet they'll refuse to accept it though.

I also had to buy a new suitcase as I currently don't own one. The old one went with my ex when we parted ways and rather aptly it's now ended up on the scrap. I'm loathed to spend money on things I have limited use for so £22.99 from Argos was a necessity rather than choice.

So congratulations if you made it to the end. And don't forget to vote on May 7. Although if you're siding with the Tory/UKIP axis of hell, please do forget about voting altogether, and encourage other like minded people to do the same. I know it's a democracy and everything but really just piss off. New is good, new is great.

Red is the warmest colour

If I was to pick a favourite colour it'd hands down be red. As a colour combination I'd of course go for the blue/yellow of Sverige but in terms of a stand alone colour red gets the nod. According to colour psychology red represents energy, action, desire and passion. It's stimulating, exciting, attention-getting and assertive. I can definitely identify with all of the above. I am red. It can stimulate the appetite and increase craving for food and other stimuli. Yep, I am so totally red.

A quick scan of my flat reveals a veritable sea of red, including my rather feeble and hitherto sole attempt at a canvas painting. This is more by happenstance than design. Reflecting my approach to life in general, instinct and opportunism lead the way when I attempt interior decoration, grand master plans are simply too time consuming and disruptive. That instinct is most often tinted in the warm hues of red, as evidenced by recent purchases:


Pendant lampshade from Habitat, in the sale for bargain-tastic price of £6. Being a short arse and lacking ample height extending equipment, the essentially very simplistic assembly involved significant time, perspiration and expletives. The end result makes it all worthwhile, but thank [expletive] I don't have to do that one again.



Bath towel from Habitat for £12, again in the sale. I'd come to the realisation recently that I had in fact never actually purchased a bath towel in my life, despite living independently for the past 17 years. The ones I've got I was given by my parents, surplus promotional merchandise from back when my dad managed/owned builder's merchants. The fact that one of them dates back to the World Cup 1994 and another has a millennium motif indicated a need for a fresh acquisition.

Utensil stand from Wilko's, £3 full price. Could've gone for black, blue or green but red was the obvious choice. If only to match nicely with the Diva dish brush adjacent.

Apparently being surrounded by too much red can cause us to become irritated, agitated and ultimately angry and I again I can identify with that. They're quite often the exact emotions I go through of late (since about 2007) when watching the red and white of the Gunners, the biggest and best team in north London. The trophy barren years have been a study in disappointment, ranging from near misses to the exact opposite. This weekend was different though, pure exaltation from the 4-1 thrashing of Liverpool. Revenge is sweet.

Growing up I didn't really support an English team. Had I done it would've most likely had been the Merseyside reds. Back then Swedish telly showed a weekly first division game, the pre-Sky traditional Saturday 3pm kick off, as part of the 'Tipsextra' broadcast which ran between 1969-1995. In addition to the footie, they showed the 7 harness races that made up the weekly V75 betting, and after Tipsextra, there was an episode of Emmerdale Farm. How very Anglo-saxon. With Liverpool being the dominant force in the 80s, there's a huge Scandinavian contingent of Liverpool fans around my age and older. This has since shifted to Manure but Liverpool is probably still the most supported club in Scandinavia.

Luckily I didn't pay too much attention to Tipsextra back then so my preferred team is Arsenal. Come on you Gunners!!! My first recollection of paying attention to Arsenal was the 1995 Cup Winners Cup final when Nayim lobbed David Seaman in the last minute of extra time, but the biggest factors in me coming to be a gooner are Fredrik Ljungberg,  and my mate Vieira. Sing after me (to the tune of Can't Take My Eyes Off You) "We love you Freddie cos you've got red hair, We love you Freddie cos you're everywhere, We love you Freddie, you're Arsenal through and through". Classic.

I'd argue my case for Arsenal having played the best football in the Premier League era to infinity with anyone who's up for a debate and not a scared little chicken shit cunt like David Cameron. It would've been difficult not to play the best football with Henry and Bergkamp in the side, two of the greatest Arsenal players of all time weaving their magic, ably supported by Pires, Vieira, Ljungberg and co. Subsequent players have carried on the proud tradition of playing Wenger ball, although crucially less successfully.

Playing the best football hasn't translated into playing a winning style of football for many years now, although last year's FA Cup was hopefully a new leaf as opposed to an accidental blip. All too often the team has been bullied off the pitch or failed to adapt to the flow of the game. Proceedings haven't been helped by some truly mind-boggling transfer decisions and a continual habit of amassing a full team sheet of injured players. The latter part of this season has given promise of a steelier (and winning) approach and (finally) the ability to change tactics based on the opposition's strengths and weaknesses. Roll on a Champions League spot and successful defence of the FA Cup #COYG.

Here are my favourite Arsenal moments to savour to eternity:

Pizzagate would've obviously made the shortlist as well had video evidence been in place. Cashley Cole's autobiography provides a tantalising account: "All eyes turned and all mouths gawped to see this pizza slip off that famous puce face and roll down his nice black suit". Cesc, I salute you, although much less so now that you're playing for the racist scum in blue. Just like most other things, you looked way, way, way better in red.