Better the devil you know

The other day saw the conclusion of a brief spell of uncertainty that had preoccupied my mind to a level not experienced for some time. The finer details will be left untold, suffice to say the outcome wasn't to my benefit. Despite the issue itself being of minor consequence, for a short while the effect felt palpable - mood, outlook and thought processes all took a knock, rendering me somewhat apathetic before grappling control of my senses and, more importantly, regaining a realistic perspective.

Afterwards it prompted me to reflect on how minor incidents, as well as major events, can affect us in such a way that we end up taking it personally. Even the kindest or most thoughtful words of consolation fail to halt the process. What we're left with is a set of largely unhelpful and angst ridden questions: What's wrong with me? Why me? When will I learn? What's the point? What can I eat next?

I'm firmly in the category of people for whom, regardless of what we've achieved in life, confidence remains finely poised. For the most part I'm of jolly good spirits but a gentle jolt can tip the curve downwards, even when the trajectory has been steadily rising. One would think that life experiences and increasing maturity automatically generate resilience and pragmatism but the human mind has its own way of playing tricks.

To me it's largely because of that complete pain in the arse known as vulnerability. Like the lymphatic system it's lurking under the surface, ready to come to the fore as soon as there's the slightest crack in the veneer of our usual public persona. And like the lymphatic fluid, it appears out of nowhere, without warning but right on cue, and takes a while to disappear again. When vulnerability is at its peak the words of comfort and encouragement that others' feel compelled and willing to offer have really very limited impact, apart from demonstrating that people care. It's a storm that one has to ride.

As someone who's risk averse in many respects, I prefer to keep my vulnerable lymphatics in check through considered avoidance. Venturing beyond familiar paths is necessary for progress but in this instance I agree with Kylie, or alternatively Sonia: Better the devil you know. I much prefer myself when I'm freed from existential angst. I function a great deal better. Nothing ventured, nothing gained goes the counter argument. But venturing and coming back empty handed isn't all that great either, it makes you feel a right fool.

Sometimes it's better the devil you know when it comes to sartorial matters too. Red checked shirts are already a feature of my wardrobe but when something works you might as well do it to death. This one came with a 20% discount on the sale price courtesy of Asos, £8 quid for a shirt of decent quality. Thumbs enthusiastically up. The fabric is unexpectedly thick so it might have to wait for its premiere til later in the year.



The same delivery also saw the arrival of these plimsolls by Rock & Revival. With the discount they came to £10.40. Having retired a pair of white high-topped plimsolls recently, there was an opening for a replacement which was duly filled.



So regardless the devil, I'll stick with the one I know than get carried away with the one I don't. In the main. At times I might dip my toe in the unknown, or take a full on plunge, because every now and then you venture and come up trumps.