Homeward bound

Through reasons best kept to myself I've arrived at Incheon airport more than 4 hrs before my flight. The check in desks don't even open for another hour, I'm that early. It would appear that I'm not the only one though judging by the QUEUE that's forming at the check in desks. Don't people have anything better to do than standing up for an hour?? Like sitting down and charging your electrical companions whilst writing about the fools in the queue. 

Maybe they know something I don't. Maybe there are just rewards for early birds beyond the security gates. This is after all the airport that's been voted the best in the world for 10 years running. Not my words but spelt out on a massive screen in the departure hall. As far as I'm aware there's a Korea museum on offer, as well as a spa/sauna open to all, normally the reserve for those flying fancy classes. Without a doubt there'll be countless shops and cafés too. We're on Korean soil, goes with the territory. Maybe that's enough to entice the keen traveller to ensure they check in first. 

My Korean adventure is drawing to a close, all that remains is the customary trawl round the duty free shops, 'test' a scent I've no intention to buy (Bleu de Chanel) and munch on one last bowl of kimchi. Might spray the scent even more liberally than normal seeing as I won't be having a shower for a good while, and I've already walked round downtown Seoul for a day. Had to resort to desperate measures just before, foot hygiene by face wipes. It's never a good thing when you can smell your feet when stood up.

Having now joined the queue so to not miss out on all the fun of the fair, I've ended up behind a Korean party of 5 with an obscene amount of luggage, plus a dog. I'm guessing at least one of them is setting up home elsewhere. Or they've just gone berserk in the shops. Could be both. There's a curious phenomenon in Seoul, presumably throughout the country - the duty free department store. If I've understood it right it's essentially an airport duty free shop but in the middle of Seoul, accessible to browse for all and sundry, but only those who are about to leave the country imminently are allowed to buy stuff. You then pick up the purchases at the airport. For all intents and purposes it's a brilliant idea, you wonder why other countries haven't followed suit. Some may have, I've only been to a small percentage of countries, but I've never come across it elsewhere. There's the facility to claim a tax refund for certain goods but that's different. 

I paid a visit to one of said duty free shops the other day, there's a few of them as you'd expect, and it was an experience that will linger for years. They ought to make it mandatory for everyone visiting Seoul. It is so worth it, it says as much about Korean life as any recognised cultural attraction. Spread out over 2 floors of the megalopolis that is the Lotte department store in Myengdong, the general vibe can best be described as total bedlam. People were rushing round like headless chickens and the noise levels must've been at the upper ends of what's permitted under health and safety. Think Primark at Christmas. Only in a luxury, Selfridges-esque setting. Getting the duty knocked off may sound like a worthwhile endeavour but then the VAT is only 10% here. I love a bargain but I've never felt that overjoyed at getting a 10% discount. Perhaps I'd be thinking differently if Prada, Dior, Louis Vuitton et al were real to me. When you fork out 3 grand on a pair of Chanel boots it probably pays off enduring a mayhem shopping experience in exchange for a tenth off. In sharp contrast, I bought some chinos and a Pet Shop Boys t shirt (photos to follow) from a Uniqlo type shop earlier today and was given a receipt to claim the VAT back. All £1.80 of it. A far, far cry from the Chanel echelons. Needless to say I let the Korean government keep the tax, hopefully they'll do something useful with it. 

The Lotte department store is housed in three interconnected high rises, the main department store, an annex for youths and a separate 'premium brands' building. I accidentally wandered in to the luxury one and didn't realise until I was in the lift and glanced at the floor plan. All the usual suspects had their concessions across the first 9 floors, Jimmy Choo was still in development, a bit late to the party there. On the 10th floor however was a dentist, random, and a plastic surgeon, randomer. What's that about?? Imagine nipping off to Harrods for a pair of Manolo Blahnik's and a spot of botox, or Fortnum and Mason for a morning coat and an eye lift?

Perhaps it isn't such a random concept after all, back on ground level where us peasants roam, the sheer number of health and beauty shops would suggest that Koreans are either obsessed with beauty or keen to maintain sound mind and body. Second only to cafés in number of outlets, there was even a branch of one chain, Olive Young, by the foot of the Namsan Tower, sandwiched between the souvenir shop and an ice cream parlour. This to me is a slight paradox. Looking at the population in general they don't appear to have any skin issues nor do they seem to wear that much make up. In fact the Korean gene appears to be very favourable for healthy, radiant and blemish free skin. Shame that good gene passed me by, 37 and still counting spots here. I ought to have enquired within in hindsight. There's probably a universal language for oily and blackheads.

**The airport experience was particularly disappointing. Most shops and facilities shut at 10pm so it was slightly eerie walking through a deserted airport. They should really reconsider their opening hours if they want to keep their position as head of the class. Dubai and Hamad is on it 24 hrs a day. I'm now typing from the plane. I've joined the mile high blogging club! Definitely not tother one. That would just be wrong**

The holiday has been amazing for many reasons, a nuisance for others, so on balance I'm equally pleased with the trip itself and the fact I'm currently homeward bound. It dawned on me this morning that I've been virtually silent for 12 days straight, apart from the odd hello, thank you and "English". Quite an unusual concept for me, I'm generally rather chatty/jovial/opinionated/argumentative, my vocal chords must be in a state of confused flux. Back to normality tomorrow, the Liv Ullman routine is ultimately not for me. 

There are lots of things I'll miss about the place - the general vibe, the food, the weather, the complete absence of potentially threatening or intimidating situations, the culture, the food, the cleanliness, the food, the range of age groups you come across at any time - in the street, in shops, at attractions. OAPs are out in force living life to the full, including mastering the MANY stairs up and down in the subway. No wonder they're all slim!

To put things in context, all the subway stations are some degree of massive. They're on at least 4 levels, often 5 or 6 depending on how many lines intersect. It's a relatively new subway and by god they really dug down into the ground. There are plenty of escalators around but not many stations have elevators and every single station has unaided steps, some more than others. From getting off the train to reaching street level can take about 10 minutes, even at quieter times. With the hoards of people too, I certainly felt bamboozled at times, getting on the wrong train, missing my stop, walking in the wrong direction and so on. The underground shopping arcades on the first level down from street level don't help either. They've got some bits completely right though, it's really really cheap - 60p will get you way out in to the suburbs, all platforms have got a security wall akin to the one on the Jubilee line so no opportunity for suicide jumpers, the trains are spacious, wide and high ceilings, and really well air conditioned. Most importantly mobile networks are fully covered and there's free wifi on the trains. 

Technology is everywhere, as you'd imagine from a country that gave birth to Samsung, LG, Daewoo etc. One public toilet I frequented had a digital panel with buttons for flushing, cleaning, lighting and other things I didn't understand. There are TV screens wherever you turn, either giving instructions or playing adverts. People young and old are on their mobile phones ALL THE TIME. I thought I was quite bad but I'm a novice in comparison. Even when people are sat together conversing tête-à-tête, there's usually one or two mobiles in active use. I don't think I observed a single gathering that was mobile-less. It's probably already happening amongst the youth of most countries but I love the fact that older generations were just as trigger happy with their mobiles. Snapchat's addictive innit.

Technology was evident at the cinema too, Korea having pioneered the 4D technology which has recently arrived in the UK. In Milton Keynes of all places. The fourth dimension is all physical - the chairs tilt and vibrate, there are wind machines and water sprays, weird air gusts coming from the head rest, light effects and really unwelcome 'punches' in the back from the seat. I of course had to try it so went along to the only film currently showing in 4D, the new Avengers movie. Not my genre of preference but the special effects were great. The 4D features were interesting but a bit distracting, particularly the vibrating and punching chairs. Funnily enough some of the film takes place in Seoul, with a big action set piece playing out in city centre. It was quite surreal seeing the exact street on the big screen that you'd walked down a couple of hours earlier. 

Of course not everything was rosy. The language barrier really made it quite a tricky place to be in at times. At the main attractions it was fine, as was the foreign enclave of Itaewon although I spent minimal time there. Getting back from my North Korea viewing day trip was an altogether different proposition, as was picking restaurants where all signs were in Korean only. People would unsurprisingly speak Korean to me as well and quite quickly the blank expression routine started to feel embarrassing. Initially I replied with "yeong-eo", Korean for English, but I can't have pronounced it properly because it drew a replica blank expression back so resorted to "English" which at least had the desired impact. 

Another rather irritating feature was the beer and "anju" tradition. Koreans tend to order a plate of really expensive sharing food, "anju", when they drink beer, most often fried chicken, dried fish, fruit or chips, so much so that a lot of bars require you to order food in order to serve you a beer. I got up and left on a couple of occasions as a result. Fuck that shit. It did however limit the options drastically. They provide free water everywhere though.

Despite the absolute barrage of shops, markets and street vendors, I managed to remain fairly restrained with my spending. I bought this fancy handkerchief/pocket square from the shop at the National Museum of Korea for a very reasonable 5 quid.

Suitably ethnic. And these frames for a ridiculous price of EIGHT!!! pounds. Selfie warning!

I've been wanting to get plastic frames for a while but my flat nose makes such frames impossible to wear. They end up in the position of reading glasses. As I was preparing for the holiday it occurred to me that wearing glasses is commonplace in the Far East so frames must be adjusted to fit the population properly. And my assumption proved accurate. Not only did they sell a wide range of frames with a much deeper nose bridge, a lot of them were dirt cheap. Surprising really as most other things weren't. 

So overall my first foray into solo travelling has been a great success, minor gripes like enforced silencio aside. Bodes well for the future, next up China! But not for a year