Not on my watch

I've got myself a new toy in the shape of a Sony Smartwatch 3, my first foray into the weird and wonderful world of 'wearables'. Having something cleverer than yourself on your wrist does have its benefits. For instance you can change the fascia like 20 times a day. How I managed to live life without one is beyond me.

Good innit? The main reason for investing in yet another electricity draining gadget was to replace the slightly uncomfortable mobile arm strap when out running with something eminently more portable, however here's where it's somewhat less brainy. 

I use the Nike+ app for tracking my runs and keeping me informed of pace and distance. This particular app isn't available on Android Wear, presumably because Nike are bed fellows with Apple. Sort it out Google. The OS isn't the most intuitive and accessing app menus can feel a bit clunky. Worst of all though, you can't play Spotify through the watch. Doh! I stopped (il)legally purchase music years ago so having to load the watch with MP3s feels regressive and far from clever. At least I can change the fascia 40 times a day though so all is not lost.

I bought the watch as an impulse whilst in Sweden. My parents were buying a laptop and I stumbled upon the watch in the electronics shop. It was 15 quid CHEAPER than the UK. Result. It had its first outing a misty morning in Åmål (of Fucking Åmål fame), 5.47 km of cross country skiing, completed in 35 mins and 52 seconds. Gunde Svan I am not. But I can change the fascia 60 times a day. Life is good

No, no, no, no, YES!

In my mind there's no such thing as a strict negative when it comes to spending money. Last minute jitters, sweaty palms at the thought of parting with loadsa cash, the prospect of eating beans and value bread for a month. Sure but no, no, no, it's all good. Strict financial management, denying oneself the delights of new purchases. Yes, yes, yes, total misery.

Over the last couple of weeks I've acquired a mini capsule collection of discounted goods. Shocking behaviour, and so unlike me. 70% or more off equals a virtual giveaway and I never say no to a freebie. No, no, no, yes.

Grey cable knit jumper, Topman - 67% off

Black roll neck long sleeved top, River Island - 75% off

Black skinny cropped trousers, River Island - 60% off

Brown suede brogue wedge shoes, Office - 60% off

White short sleeved shirt in a 2 pack, Topman - 60% off

Blue quilted sweatshirt, Topman - 83% off

According to the style experts throwing their tuppenceworth into this year's Oscar frock glamaganza, blue in all its hues is bang on trend for spring summer 2016 so chances are I'll be parading the sweatshirt at any given opportunity. Wearing it as we speak even. Previous incarnations of the black roll neck and black trouser combo have drawn comparisons with the Milk Tray man by my work colleagues. The similarities clearly end there, I ain't risking my life to deliver a box of chocolates to nobody. Yes, yes, yes, fuck that. 

There are lots of things I would say yes to though, no, no, no qualms about it. Arsenal miraculously going the rest of the season unbeaten. Zlatan in blue and yellow slaying the competition in France this summer. The sunniest, driest Great British summer since records began. A Dale Winton sponsored supermarket sweep in Selfridges. An overwhelmingly resounding trouncing of the Brexit brigade in June. A humiliating defeat for Donald Trump in November (Hillary FTW!) 

For all its fallacies, I unequivocally feel that the UK is better in than out of the EU, particularly as we're currently at the mercy of a government who sees the Human Rights Act as unwelcome bureaucracy. Anyone believing that 'reclaiming British sovereignty' will automatically mean a better deal for the general population need to stop overdosing on Murdoch supplied news. And wouldn't it be great to witness Boris Johnson's face when an IN verdict is read out?? Priceless. As for Trump, such a vile clown holding the most powerful position in the world doesn't bear thinking about. He makes Kim Jong Un appear rational and sensible.

This year, two of the most significant ballots ever will be made within months of each other. People of the world, the decision is yours. Don't fuck it up. Yes, yes, yes, no.

Money Spending Expert

Fact: I'm one of life's spenders. People like me keep people like Martin Lewis extremely well fed with our need for constant reminders not to get royally screwed over, pay over the odds or mismanage our finances. Erratic spending is my stock-in-trade and no amount of brainwashing from the experts in money saving would stem the cash flow. In the same week that one of the Money Saving Expert bloggers decided to FLY from Sheffield to Essex via Berlin as it was £8 cheaper, I took it upon myself to make a similar journey way way way more expensive than it ought to have been. I'm a disaster, it's what I do.

So anyone looking to waste a few quid here's a quick recipe:
1. Book a train ticket in advance for £33 (1st class obvs)
2. Pick it up from the ticket machine
3. Lose said ticket, alternatively throw it in the bin
4. Forget you picked it up in the first place
5. Try and collect it again
6. Leave it til the day of travel before enquiring about the collection error
7. Find out that you indeed picked up the ticket 2 weeks previous and therefore a replacement can't be issued
8. Feel like a twat on the phone
9. Feel like a twat after hanging up
10. Grudgingly buy another ticket for £73.50 (Standard pleb class obvs)

New year, same old me
I've pretty much given up on acquiring common sense by now. Luckily I've also spent money on more enjoyable fare too. New year, same old me, new stylings. All of them in the sale. Fashion forward in last season's gear. Trendplagiariser. Sartorially delayed. The sale offers keep on coming too so there's no let up in the temptations.

Here are a few of the things I'll be sporting around town over the coming months:










Burgundy trench from Zara. The quintessential sale item, not even end of season, end of the season before. They'll be stocking the stores with spring/summer's version of trench coats soon, the fact that it's a timeless classic seems to have gone amiss somewhere. Fool them.



Block coloured jumper from Shore Leave, Urban Outfitters. Unusal and cheap=Win and win.



Black and grey stripe jumper from Only & Sons, Asos. I was expecting white stripes but hey ho. At least there's no hard button to button.

White and black printed short sleeve shirt from Asos. I love this shirt, in the most tenuous of fashions it reminds me of Sean Connery as 007 in Goldfinger. Shocking, positively shocking.



Pink gingham shirt from Asos. Ginghams do have soul.



Pink polo from Brave Soul, Asos. On Wednesdays we wear pink.



Block patterned t shirt from Zara. It's a bitch to iron so this one will get limited airtime.



Coloured collar and cuffs polo from Topman. The tag says skinny, the description did not *fumes*.



Annoyingly squeaky white trainers from Pull and Bear. Having re-discovered my likeness for the white trainer recently, no idea when and why it meant missing, this is the 3rd pair I've bought in quick succession. 2 of them squeak. Not impressed.



Pack of 4 excellently patterned socks from Urban Outfitters. The woman in the Westfield Stratford shop forgot to take the alarm tag off each pair and as a result the socks have been on a round trip to Oxford pre-usage.

All of the above purchases clock in at just under £150 so come to think of it I may well be an expert in saving money. So there. You won't catch me wasting valuable money-spending-time flying to Berlin just for the sake of it though. I'd rather get to my destination as quickly as possible. If only I can remember to not pick up the ticket, or not to lose the ticket, or not to forget that I picked up the ticket, or....