Stay golden

Just when you thought 2016 couldn't get any worse, out comes the US electorate, or rather approximately 47.4% of eligible voters, and quite literally Trumps all other stupendous (Brexit, Theresa May's unelected ascent, all things UKIP) and unfortunate (Bowie, Prince, Pete Burns and all other icons passing) incidents occurring so far this year. 2016 is officially the shit. Not in a youth lingo shit-means-good way either. Just shit. A big pile of schisse.

I'd be the first to admit that I don't know much about US elections, nor history, biology, a science book or the French I took for that matter, but it speaks volumes that voters would rather elect a billionaire businessman with zero political experience, non-existent policies, terrible views of anyone not white and male and questionable choice of fake tan, than a woman with substantial political weight and a track record of successful diplomacy on the global stage. It's like comparing the Milk Cup with the Nobel Prize and people going 'I'd rather have the Milk Cup because it's easier to pronounce'.

It's been one of the most divisive elections in history. White men and rural folk versus women, people from a BME background and city dwellers. Trump and his mantra of Make America Great Again by deporting Mexicans, pissing off China and banning muslims resonated with sufficient numbers. Because you know, nothing says Great like racism, xenophobia, misogynism and tax evasion.

I found myself in a road side motel room in San Simeon in the golden state of California as the election results started coming in and watched in disbelief as the ominous signs of a Trump victory grew stronger. The despair. We ended up watching Brewster's Millions instead. Brewster for president! He's only a millionaire and doesn't seem entirely self serving.

At least I could don my new t-shirt that I'd stumbled upon in Target in downtown San Francisco, whilst on the prowl for cheap sweets.

How can one fail to feel at least a tad more joyous in the company of the Golden Girls themselves?? There's some comfort in knowing that whatever twattish nonsense is happening, there's still a whole lotta good shit in the world. And these are clearly scary times for anyone on both sides of the Atlantic who cares about equality of opportunities, rights and treatment but I'm hopeful there will be positive effects of Brexit and Trump. The young vote seems to be favouring inclusivity, and we all know that children are our future, so I say engage more young people in decision making and influencing. That way we can all stay golden.

No, no, no, no, YES!

In my mind there's no such thing as a strict negative when it comes to spending money. Last minute jitters, sweaty palms at the thought of parting with loadsa cash, the prospect of eating beans and value bread for a month. Sure but no, no, no, it's all good. Strict financial management, denying oneself the delights of new purchases. Yes, yes, yes, total misery.

Over the last couple of weeks I've acquired a mini capsule collection of discounted goods. Shocking behaviour, and so unlike me. 70% or more off equals a virtual giveaway and I never say no to a freebie. No, no, no, yes.

Grey cable knit jumper, Topman - 67% off

Black roll neck long sleeved top, River Island - 75% off

Black skinny cropped trousers, River Island - 60% off

Brown suede brogue wedge shoes, Office - 60% off

White short sleeved shirt in a 2 pack, Topman - 60% off

Blue quilted sweatshirt, Topman - 83% off

According to the style experts throwing their tuppenceworth into this year's Oscar frock glamaganza, blue in all its hues is bang on trend for spring summer 2016 so chances are I'll be parading the sweatshirt at any given opportunity. Wearing it as we speak even. Previous incarnations of the black roll neck and black trouser combo have drawn comparisons with the Milk Tray man by my work colleagues. The similarities clearly end there, I ain't risking my life to deliver a box of chocolates to nobody. Yes, yes, yes, fuck that. 

There are lots of things I would say yes to though, no, no, no qualms about it. Arsenal miraculously going the rest of the season unbeaten. Zlatan in blue and yellow slaying the competition in France this summer. The sunniest, driest Great British summer since records began. A Dale Winton sponsored supermarket sweep in Selfridges. An overwhelmingly resounding trouncing of the Brexit brigade in June. A humiliating defeat for Donald Trump in November (Hillary FTW!) 

For all its fallacies, I unequivocally feel that the UK is better in than out of the EU, particularly as we're currently at the mercy of a government who sees the Human Rights Act as unwelcome bureaucracy. Anyone believing that 'reclaiming British sovereignty' will automatically mean a better deal for the general population need to stop overdosing on Murdoch supplied news. And wouldn't it be great to witness Boris Johnson's face when an IN verdict is read out?? Priceless. As for Trump, such a vile clown holding the most powerful position in the world doesn't bear thinking about. He makes Kim Jong Un appear rational and sensible.

This year, two of the most significant ballots ever will be made within months of each other. People of the world, the decision is yours. Don't fuck it up. Yes, yes, yes, no.