Christmas time (damn those bell ends)

As befits the holiday season I returned to native shores to celebrate Christmas with the family. After enduring a particularly gruelling December, overdosing on festive spirit, the relative quiet of rural Värmland was just what the good doctor ordered. Global warming conspired to create a distinctly green Christmas but a couple of days ago a band of snow swept the southern parts of the country to create a -10C post-Christmas winter wonderland. Pretty, atmospheric and proper Christmassy.

My travelling jinx obviously had to continue; the journey to Scandinavia didn't quite go to plan. The entertainment for the journey was meant to consist of rewatching episodes 1-4 of Car Share, possibly the best commuter comedy ever. Instead my airwaves were completely gazumped by a fellow passenger with questionable social skills and an astonishing lack of self awareness. Word: douchebag. Before I had the chance to fasten my seatbelt she opened the floodgates to an endless stream of verbal diarrhoea of the stinkiest, unsolid kind. A big fat 7 in the Bristol stool chart. Praise the Lord we weren't embarking on a long haul.

Turned out we were both Swedes travelling back for the holidays but there the similarities end. Over the course of the WHOLE flight she kept rambling on about herself and her first world plight. My polite disinterest in her 'conversation' went unnoticed, or maybe it fuelled the fire. 

She's a dentist who's lived in London for a few years, having emigrated to do a masters in at UCL. The professors there weren't very helpful so she also had support from her professor at Sahlgrenska with whom she had a much more productive relationship. She's wanting to meet up with him over Christmas as she hasn't seen him for 4 years. She's in two minds over a suitable present. He's 85 years old so she's thinking to take him out for dinner at a fancy restaurant because people of that age already have everything they want, don't they? He drinks wine though, he told her once. She doesn't drink much at the moment herself, she had to put her social life on hold during her studies which were very demanding. She does go for brunch with her neighbours on a Saturday, after playing tennis with the male part of the coupling. He's a retired accountant and helps her with her books. It's really important to keep fit. It's also really important to eat well - home cooking with fresh ingredients. She loves fish. She's from Gothenburg so grew up round fish. Her family still lives in Gothenburg. They haven't been to visit yet, her studies were very demanding so she couldn't afford to take time off to show her parents round London. Or to socialise. She knows people in the UK though, she has friends in Plymouth, Nottingham and York. Travelling in the UK is quite expensive. Her friend in York is also a Swedish dentist, she's got a practice in Scarborough. Unlike her York friend she's not sure if she wants to stay in the UK long term. Having initially rented a 2 bed flat in Chelsea for 400 quid a month from a dental patient's ex-wife who was relocating to Australia and wanted a respectable tenant, she recently bought a flat overlooking Hampstead Heath. The flat is really lovely so she's reluctant to let it out and she doesn't want to sell it. She's tempted to continue with her studies though and she could do that in either England or Sweden. It'd be free to study back home and she hasn't got that much money at the moment, having completed her demanding masters and bought the Hampstead flat, so Swedish studies are tempting. She needs to have a chat with her old professor to get his input as to where to study. He's really well known in the world of international dentistry. He used to write articles for the British Dental Journal but he's retired now. His English is excellent. He helped her with her thesis as his English is better than hers. Her English is good enough though and she's found a job in a private clinic. She takes a packed lunch as her busy schedule makes it difficult to nip out to get lunch, plus she's still getting back to healthy finances after her very demanding studies and Hampstead flat purchase. She's hoping to save up a bit of cash to go on holiday next year with her friend. She hasn't been on holiday since starting her demanding masters. Her dad has just come back from a trip to Thailand, Vietnam and Burma, and she's quite keen on Thailand. It's all about the money though, she also likes shopping. Particularly at one specific shop in Gothenburg, she bought a pair of black boots there. She wore them to travel in. 

That's a pretty accurate summary of her 90 minute monologue, my infrequent contribution amounted to highlighting that not everyone is in the position to buy a flat in a sought after area in London and declining the invitation to brainstorm suitable Christmas presents for the professor. Oh, and repeatedly saying that I'm no longer a student. Once arrived I cunningly tried to shake her off at the luggage belt but the little minx managed to retrieve her suitcase in time to hop on the same shuttle bus. Another 30 mins of earache. Unlucky for some.

The bell end didn't ruin Christmas though and for the rest of the holidays I enjoyed the more dulcit tones of Christmas songs old and new. I also revisited a pile of my old vinyl albums. My dad has bought a massive floor standing contemporary jukebox with snazzy lights and a fully functioning record player. That's it there spinning The (newly Spotified) Beatles' red album.

A surprising realisation about my collection of vinyl was the overall standard. Never one for pretending that my choice in music is 'cool' or 'hip', I'm not ashamed to say that I own Milli Vanilli's Girl You Know It's True (gatefold) album. There are nevertheless some absolute classics right there - Like A Prayer, Raw Like Sushi, Thriller, Actually. And James Bond's Greatest Hits.

Back in the day, most of my albums, vinyl then CD, were purchased in Karlstad. The big city for us small town folk. My mum worked extra in a clothes shop there in the late 80s, just as my record buying was gathering momentum. We used to to along on a regular basis, perusing the record shops whilst she worked. Amongst other things I bought Green by R.E.M. on US import CD which came in those odd rectangular paper outer sleeves, and a box set of the entire Aerosmith back catalogue just for Dream On. Hit and miss.

Despite now living in an actual big city, I still do an annual Christmas sales pilgrimage to Karlstad. Clothes not records the stock in trade nowadays. I came across these on Boxing Day.

A shirt from Dressmann, 150 SEK/£11.50, down from 400 SEK. Nice pattern. A purple jumper from H&M, half price at 150 SEK. Excellent colour.

So after a rather ear splitting start, Christmas turned out alright in the end. And the return journey was bell free and Peter Kay full. 'Ave it!