Ooh Err Cantona

Any day that features multiple parcel deliveries is a good day in my book. The thrill! The joy! The excitement! Furthermore when the parcels come emblazoned with the corporate logos of Asos and Amazon, well it's the veritable epitome of a legal high. A committed customer of both for a number of years, I am most definitely part of the bargain hunting collective whose dedication to the cause is eroding the high street as we know it. Luckily for my ethical conscience I voted for Feministiskt Initiativ (Feminist Initiative) in the Swedish general election the other month. And j'adore free range eggs.

Item number 1 was always going to be the less interesting one: a grey waistcoat in mini houndstooth from Asos' own brand for a mere £12 in the sale.

You can't go wrong with the Asos sale, it's bargain mecca. Better still, it's seemingly neverending. They're good for more or less every type of clothing and accessory going, although their own brand can be a bit hit and miss, particularly shoes and jeans. I tend to buy something from Asos every month and I can't remember the last time I paid full price for anything. Frugal and proud.

The waistcoat was purchased to go with a royal blue polka dot tie for a pre-Christmas shindig in a slightly futile attempt to boost my hipster credentials. Futile on the basis that my beard growing ability is akin to that of a 5 year old's. I'm like Liu Xiang at London 2012, falling at the first hurdle. To make matters worse, the damn thing is too small. I even went up a size to 40" chest but to no avail. Hipster dream well and truly quashed. I shall file this one under 'don't even go there til you're a stone lighter'. It'll be in great company.

Item number 2 is way, way, way more exciting. You and the Night is a French (of course) art house flick about a young couple and their transvestite maid who invite a select group of people for an orgy, described in a review as 'a chamber piece of sex, surreality and the absurd'. Mary Whitehouse approved it most definitely ain't.

I came across the trailer whilst having a Camden Hells Lager in the Arthouse Crouch End cinema bar (http://www.arthousecrouchend.co.uk) and literally stopped mid-sentence to check it out. It stars no other than kung-fu fighting, seagull loving Manc United legend 'King Eric' Cantona as The Stud and judging by the trailer he prepared for the role by taking performance enlarging substances. Whilst I'm in no way a fan, up the Gunners!, the prospect of watching the uber alpha male ex-professional footballer crawling round a cage on all fours and (shock, shock, horror) kiss another man is just too good to miss. £11 well spent.

I've got a date to watch it this coming weekend with my friend Aimee, who's a fellow art house aficionado. I cannae wait, it ticks ALL the boxes